I Can't
by MakingChanges
Summary: He doesn't really remember boarding the plane but he does remember people asking him if he was going out or coming home. He looked down at his camo clad body wanting nothing more than to say he was going home, but he wasn't. (T for Language).


Stiles folded the shirt and slowly placed it in the wheeled bag suitcase. They knew this was a probability when they got into their relationship, but that didn't make it any easier. He fought back tears as he folded the familiar black shirt and placed it neatly inside of it new home. He heard the door open but never paused in his folding. Not even when arms wrapped around his waist and a face was buried in his neck.

"I'm sorry." Derek whispered into the pale neck.

"Sorry doesn't give me back the year and a half of my life that's about to be taken from me." Stiles angrily folded another shirt. "Sorry isn't going to make up for missing the beginning of our baby's life"

"Eighteen months isn't so bad there are other people on 2 and 3 year rotations." Derek tried to sooth.

"Isn't so bad!" Stiles whirled around angrily in Derek's arms shoving at his chest. "Our son is eighteen months! He too little to remember! We're having another baby Derek! What if something happens, he won't-I won't-" the tears fell from Stiles' eyes in rivers. "Derek I can't-" the sob tore itself from Stiles' throat the same time that his knees gave out. Stiles sobs were loud enough to draw their son's attention.

Their son, confused as to why his parents were on the floor crying, started to cry himself. Stiles pulled himself out of Derek's arms, onto his feet, and scooped up their son. He held him close and let him cry into his shoulder while he tried to stem his own tears. Derek kneeled helplessly on the floor and watched as his family fell apart.

The ride to the airport was filled with awkward silence, which was occasionally filled by the oblivious toddler in the back seat. Neither man wanted to think about what was happening. They didn't want to talk about the good-bye that they shared last night. The way they moved together as if this was their last moment. Their last chance.

They slowly walked through the airport, each holding firmly onto one of their son's hand. Derek pulled the military suitcase along with his free hand. When they reached the gate they were looking for they saw that the plane was boarding in ten minutes.

Stiles picked up their son and held him close. He kissed his sons head and forced himself not to cry as he looked his husband over, taking in every last detail. His scruffy face, his sad, tired eyes. The nervous set of his jaw. The way he fiddles with the suitcase.

"Promise me-" Stiles' voice cracked so he cleared his throat and tried again. "Promise me that you'll be safe."

"Stiles I-"

"Promise me!" Stiles pleaded.

"I will."

"Promise you'll write, that you'll send pictures. Even when you think I won't get them or write you back. Even if it's the picture of a wall. Promise me that when everything is all said and done that you'll still be you." Stiles met green eyes with his glassy brown. Derek could only nod at his husbands requests. Stiles sniffled and wiped his eyes. He stepped close to Derek and pressed their lips together, ignoring the salty tang of shed tears.

"Daddy." Stiles pulled away from Derek sooner than he would've liked.

"Yes buddy?

"Daddy go bye?"

"Yeah. Daddy's going bye. You gonna tell him bye?"

"No. Daddy go work?"

"No buddy. Daddy not going to work. Daddy going bye bye for a while."

Stiles' heart broke and tears spilled from his eyes at the way his son's face fell. "Daddy go bye bye?" His son was ready to be in hysterics. He could hear the tears in the toddler's voice.

"Only for a little while." Derek said softly. Their son frowned and buried his face into Stiles' neck.

"Take him." Stiles said weakly.

"What?"

"Take him and walk away. I can't let go."

"Stiles-"

"Do it." He gave Derek a desperate look. "Please."

The moment Derek's hands touched the small boy he started to protest. He grabbed desperately at Stiles' clothes kicking and screaming. Derek held him despite his struggles and hesitantly walked away from Stiles. Stiles watched broken hearted as his son screamed and begged for him. He grabbed his luggage and forced himself onto action. He doesn't really remember boarding the plane but he does remember people asking him if he was going out or coming home. Stiles looked down at his camo clad body wanting nothing more than to say he was going home.

Despite Derek's best efforts, their son's screams got the attention of security. He spent unwanted moments trying to convince security that the screaming shield was his and he wasn't a kidnapper. He finally snapped when one of the security guards made as if to grab his son. "Back the _fuck_ off! My husband, his _father_ just left to go overseas for a year and a half. He's entitled to throw a fit and scream for his father if he wants to! I'm tired of explain myself to you. I just want to go home, curl up in my bed, and cry myself to sleep while coming to terms that I'm about to deal with entire pregnancy by myself!"

They security guards backed off but still followed him to his car, but at a distance. He sat in his seat just as Stiles' plane took off.

"D-Daddy go b-bye bye!" The toddler sniffled.

Derek wiped the tears from his eyes.

"Yeah Buddy," He watched the plane pass over head. "Daddy go bye bye."


End file.
